One of my many favorite things to do whether it is the Christmas season or just any other time is to give back to other people. Every year during the Christmas season, I will donate money that I have saved out of my paychecks and either donate it to a charity or do something with it that will benefit others who aren't as fortunate. My favorite thing to use my money for is Toys for Tots.
For me Christmas is a time of giving, not getting. Its all about making other people happy. In all honesty, giving to others is my Christmas gift to myself. Even though giving toys and clothes to Toys for Tots I don't get to see those kids' faces when they open their presents on Christmas, the satisfaction that I have given a child in need a gift that they normally wouldn't receive is gift enough. 
My challenge for my blog readers this Christmas season is for you is to not think about yourselves, but to think about others. Whether its giving to a charity, volunteering your time to serve Christmas dinner at a homeless shelter, spending time with the elderly in nursing homes on Christmas Eve, or whatever your hearts desire, I encourage you to give of yourself. The feeling is definitely better than opening presents on Christmas.
I hope that you find this Christmas as wonderful and as joyous as the season. I hope that you were as blessed this year as I have been. :) 

Happy Christmas Everyone!
Many X's and O's
Brianna 

Many of you have read my posts about my adoption and how I have been looking for my birthmother for quite some time now. All my life I wondered about who she was, what she looked like, and if she was out there wondering the same thing about me.Well a month ago, a single email changed my entire life. After a failed attempt of trying to find her through the adoption agency, I had lost all hope of ever finding her. That's when I turned to my blog for help. I wasn't sure if it was going to work, but I thought I would give it a try. On October 21st I received an email through my blog from someone: my birth mother. As I continued to read the email, I was rendered speechless (no seriously, I literally couldn't speak for 3 minutes). I couldn't believe that the one thing that I had hoped would help my birth mother find me actually did. I have never been happier and words can't even express how I'm feeling. 
Next Sunday, my adoptive mom and I will be driving to Columbus, NE to meet my birth mom and my half-brother. I may just explode with excitement. My days up until this point will be spent counting the hours until I am reunited with my mom and meeting my half-brother for the first time. 
I am so blessed to have the support of my friends, family, sisters, and most importantly my mom. I'll be keeping you all updated on how everything goes, so look for more posts in the upcoming week!

XOXO,
Brianna

When someone says the word homecoming, most people think back to high school and having a homecoming football game, parade, and dance. Well for me the word homecoming has a completely different meaning. 
Homecoming for me is when my parents travelled to Kansas City, MO all the way from the Black Hills of South Dakota to bring me to my new home with them. Homecoming is like a second birthday for adopted kids!! My homecoming is special to me because is recognizes the day that the two people who I would spend the rest of my life with, who would raise me as their own, love me as their own, and be there for me always brought me home to little Hot Springs, SD. Not many people understand why this is so special. Well its special because that is the day that you officially become a part of a new family. You take their name and make it your own. It is the day that two new people create a special place in your heart. 
Every year since I left for college my mom sends me flowers. I am so blessed to have a mother who loves me and still celebrates the day that I came home even though I'm away at school. Even though I no longer have my dad with me, I can feel him giving me a hug and whispering in my ear "I'm glad you're mine". 
To my birth mom I would like to say thank you. Thank you for choosing these two wonderful people to be my parents when you couldn't be. And to my parents I would like to say thank you as well. Thank you for bringing me home and loving me always.

Happy 20th Homecoming!

XOXO,
Brianna 

Everyone has inner battles going on inside of them: some good, some bad. One battle has made its way out into social media and national news recently: depression. Robin Williams' tragic suicide shocked the world and also woke people up to the reality of the sometimes invisible battle with depression. I myself know what it is like to struggle with this battle.

I began struggling with it during my high school years. I was sad all the time, distant, and I took naps even after getting 10 hours of sleep that night. I felt trapped in my body and I wanted out. There were many times that I contemplated suicide, but I never had the guts to ever do anything. My depression got worse after my dad died. Graduating high school, moving into college, beginning a new chapter in my life had no meaning since my dad wasn't there to share those special moments with me. My first semester freshman year I hit my breaking point. A rocky relationship caused me to go into a downward spiral and I tried to commit suicide by overdosing on pills. All I felt was helpless, alone, worthless and I just wanted an out. My suicide attempt failed thanks to a friend who intervened. I continued to struggle with depression throughout that semester. The week before fall semester finals was when I hit rock bottom. I laid in my room the entire week curled up into a ball crying because I was so depressed. I had no motivation to study or to even get up and leave my room to go take my finals. That was when I knew I needed help. Over that Christmas break I went on antidepressants. They helped for a while, but I still wasn't completely myself. I acted myself; I put a mask on so that people wouldn't see that I was hurting. I didn't want people to think that I was mentally unstable and that I was a freak. So I hid my depression from everyone.

Sophomore year of college was better than freshman year as far as my moods, but my motivation to do things just wasn't there. My grades suffered, my friendships suffered, even my status in the sorority suffered because I just wasn't myself. That fall my mom and I moved to Sioux Falls to start over and move on from the hurt that was left behind in Hot Springs. I remember telling my mom how I was feeling. I didn't feel normal. It wasn't so much that I was depressed anymore (even though I still do have my moments), I just didn't feel like I was a normal person. So my mom took me to a clinical psychologist in Sioux Falls, Dr. Anne Dilenschneider. This woman is amazing at what she does. After talking with me for ten minutes, she was able to deduce that I have ADHD. I took an evaluation in which you rated how you felt, motivation, focus, etc. on a scale of one to five (five being really bad). There are 18 total points on this evaluation and you need five before you technically have ADHD. When I took the evaluation I scored 16 out of the 18 points. In other words, I have severe ADHD and severe depression. This summer I was able to get on the right medications so that I can begin to get my life back. I am finally able to feel and be myself once again. 

My story and Robin's story are similar in many ways. He thrived on making people laugh and in that way he was brought joy. But even laughter sometimes isn't enough to keep someone happy. I love making people laugh and seeing the smiles on their faces. Sometimes even the people who seem like they're the happiest people in the world are really one of the saddest people in the world. Most people are very good at putting on that happy face just so no one sees them hurting. Every day you walk by many people who suffer from depression and you don't even know it. People are constantly saying think before you speak and this is one of the many reasons why. You don't know what someone may be going through and one rude or mean comment could send them over the edge. Its hard not to speak your mind especially if its to someone who bothers you or you just simply hate.

My challenge to you is to be nice to everyone you come in contact with. Whether its a smile or a hug, just the simplest things can brighten a person's day and maybe even their life. You might be the difference between someone ending their life and someone choosing to hang on. 

And if you're someone who is struggling with depression, get help. You may think that you are beyond help, but no one is beyond help. There is always someone out there to help and guide you. You just have to want your life back.

XOXO,


Brianna

Well in about 3 weeks time I will be back in Vermillion with my wonderful group of Alpha Xi Delta sisters enjoying sisterhood week and then looking for more beautiful ladies to join our amaXing sisterhood. Then after that, the fall semester of my junior year of college begins!! Needless to say I have mixed feelings about this coming year. Not only because it is a new year with new classes, but also having to deal with controlling my ADHD and leading a (somewhat) normal life. After last year I wasn't sure that I was going to make it through college, but now as I look back on that year I have seen my mistakes and I have learned from them and I will take what I have learned into this coming year. My biggest regret last year was not spending enough time with my AXi sisters. I missed out on so much sisterly bonding time because I wasn't motivated to do anything or go anywhere (one of the downsides of having ADHD). But this year is a new year; a time to make memories, a time to earn back what I've lost, and most importantly a time for learning.
Granted it isn't the end of 2014 and the beginning of 2015, but this post is a list of my resolutions for the 2014-2015 academic year. Ok, here it goes...


1. Spend more time with my sisters

2. Spend more time studying

3. Actually study

4. Make the most of every experience

5. Drag my butt out of my dorm to be active

6. Work out more (going to need a workout partner, positions open for applications)

7. Do things that I am scared to do, or don't feel like doing

8. Think more positively

9. Staying true to myself

10. Being more confident and more secure about myself

Some of these are going to be tough to follow, but I know that with the help of my family, friends, and sisters that I will make it through this year and come out stronger than I am now. I encourage all of my fellow college students to make a resolution list for the school year and try following it. Who knows; you might like what happens.

Well good luck to all of my fellow college students everywhere, and may the odds be ever in your favor! :)

XOXO,

Brianna

You know that saying "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade"? Yea well easier said than done.  Lately life has literally been chucking lemons at me. It doesn't help that I live in a house that is full of stress most of the time. Trying to find jobs that will actually give you hours here in Sioux Falls is next to impossible. It doesn't exactly help that this is my first summer in Sioux Falls and I don't know how to approach this craziness. So for the past week (maybe more I haven't been counting since I don't know where the days begin or end) I have been mulling around my house bored out of my freaking mind. I have occasionally found some random thing to paint (which is hard since my mom won't let me paint my room) or I have organized my room half a dozen times or I go to the gym. It has gotten to the point where I've been to the gym so many times that the people there have asked me if I have a job. Ha funny you should ask that... All of this sitting around the house has made me go stir crazy to the point where the only highlight of my week is going to see my psychologist or the occasional visit from my wonderful boyfriend.
It's hard to let life not stress you out, especially when the people around you are stressed out. What I try to do is just block those people out and just do what you want to do. Don't do something that makes you stressed, do something fun! I am one of those people where if I don't have something to do I go crazy (not literally). I guess that's where my ADHD kicks in.
I don't know if any of you have watched the movie "Eat, Pray, Love". And if you haven't, watch it now (which is probably what I'm going to do after I finish this post). Every time I watch the movie I come out enlightened. I don't know what it is, but it just happens. It is such an inspiring movie. It inspires you to not let those around you control your life or your destiny.

This is one of my favorite quotes from the movie and is something that I think everyone should keep in mind...


"Its better to live your own life imperfectly than to imitate someone else's perfectly. I deserve something beautiful. Don't you think?" - Eat, Pray, Love


How I interpret this quote is that you are living your life, not someone else's. It shouldn't matter to anyone else if you make mistakes (which I have made a ton of). Not everyone lives a perfect life (I don't know a single person who does). Live your life the way you want to, not the way that society or your parents think you should. All you can do from there is reach for the stars. 
Always remember that you deserve something beautiful. 
Reach for the stars!!

Ok so this is my first post on my new blog! Blogging is a new thing for me; especially since I am used to writing books and writing fiction so this will be a new thing for me. Mostly what I will be writing on this blog is stuff about my college experience so far and hopefully give my readers some light as to what to do and what not to do during their college experience. Mind you I have made many mistakes in my college career that I do regret and that I wish I could take back and re-do, but that's life I guess; to make mistakes and learn from them. Believe me I have learned from mine.

My first year at college was a learning experience and, as it turns out, so was my second year. My first year was purely an adjustment period just to get into the groove of things. Fall semester of freshman year I did very well academically and socially, but not emotionally. I struggled emotionally through spring semester, but still did well academically. I ended up joining Alpha Xi Delta in the spring which had it pros and cons (but that's a whole different post) and its ups and downs. That summer I went back home to Hot Springs (made some more unwise decisions that I now regret and wish I would have listened to my friends) and worked my butt of the entire summer to pay for college and sorority dues. By the middle of August, because of my emotional problems, I ended up on antidepressants.

I arrive at the University of South Dakota for my second year. This is where everything decides to take a drastic turn. I began to become super stressed (mostly because of school and sorority expectations mixed together) and I suffered socially and academically. My GPA suffered both fall and spring semesters, mostly because I believe that I had given up on myself and considered myself a failure. After many months of suffering through my sophomore classes, I decided to get more help. I later found out that I have severe ADHD (yay me...). So now I am two weeks away from getting on medication and getting my life back to normal. Needless to say it hasn't been easy; I've had a lot of help from friends and of course my wonderful boyfriend :)

Wow that was a lot more than I had planned on writing for my first post (and also a lot more personal). I promise I won't have that much crazy emotion involved in all of my posts lol in fact I pinky-promise you.

Have a great weekend! Happy blogging! :)